killing the ego!

allhumanmusic:

There’s this really cute girl who comes into my bar once a month on the first saturday of the month when a certain dj performs . I believe her to be kind of a dumb shit but I let it slide because she has the cheek bones of a Tibetan night hawk. So yesterday she’s flirting with me real hard. So hard in fact I can almost make out the tip of her erect phalice poking up out of her sweat pants and staring me square in the eye like it either wants to fight me or take me out for popcorn shrimp and diet colas. She’s asking me about where im from, what my waist size is, how a sexy small town girl like me ends up behind a bar in long beach. She’s trying real hard to be a babe even though she doesn’t need to try because like I said you could wrap that ass in Eco friendly plastic, mark it up 500% and sell it at star bucks. Then, just when she peaks and is about to blow her intelectual load and she knows it, like a trained sex assassin she turns to walk away and slams right into a bar stool crotch first. She just barely keeps from tumbling over red wine and all ! I laughed so hard I almost spit out my rum and coke. and i was drinking water. Babes are hilarious. even more so once the spring weather gots there upstairs brains thinking about babies, nests, and their downstairs brains.